Permanence. 

I’ve taken a break from writing on this blog and I had started a beauty blog, but have realized it’s crazy expensive and time consuming to keep with something relative to a lifestyle, so I’m back! 

Lately I have realized that permanence is a reality I’ve perhaps been ignorant of in the past. While I hope and believe that my boyfriend and I actually have a long lasting, lifetime type of relationship, I’ve noticed that even if we don’t have that, we’ll have these memories and moments forever. In this year and a half I’ve loved him, and that will never be taken away if one of us finds someone else. So in a way, it is forever no matter what. I’ve realized how great that is, but also how scary it can be. 

Nobody wants to spend a lifetime comparing their loved ones to previous loved ones (and the loved one doesn’t want to hear about that either), so the first time a person decides to love someone can be really scary. It can be hard to move forward because of the fear that this might be the best you ever have. Moments of doubt or self-consciousness can turn into relationship doubt, which can turn into a break-up, but then you realize, “wait that was person”. 

I’m glad we haven’t had those negative experiences in our time together and I hope we don’t, but I’m sort of writing this not because I’ve had doubts of you or us, but because I’ve had doubts in myself lately. That I’m not good enough to have a good person, or that you’ll get bored of me, or that I’m annoying (honestly the list goes on but I’ll cut it off there). To remind myself that you are my person, and those doubts do not matter. We have our happy moments, that will truly last our lifetime. 

Ideals.

I’ve been absent on account of exams and moving back home for the summer, but I’m back now and I hope this post relates to some of my readers. 

I’ve been struggling with the ideas of “romance” recently, and the expectation that every relationship has to have an element of romance to be successful. My guy has flat out admitted to me that he’s not romantic. As a woman not wishing to be swept off her feet every minute of the day, I’m okay with that. I’m okay with being with someone who won’t buy me flowers on a semi regular basis, who doesn’t know the difference between a candlelit dinner and a dinner at the pub, who doesn’t constantly remind me that I should be sainted. I’m okay with being with someone who feels comfortable with me, spontaneously reminds me that he loves me, and when he wants a kiss he pulls me close to him and makes direct eye contact with me. I’m okay with just those things, because they are romantic to me. 

Whoever defines romance in another person’s relationship is seriously in the wrong. When someone asks for another’s opinion I think it’s totally appropriate to offer that opinion, but to judge another’s relationship based on what that person sees from the outside perspective, is wrong. I’ve recently found myself in that position and I found myself suddenly insecure about my guy plus the things he’s not doing, and I’ve forgot about the things he does do that I love! Thinking of the moments where he makes my heart skip a beat has made me realize romance exists between us, but our even deeper connection is what has allowed to achieve a more intimate level of romance. Buying a girl flowers, jewellery or lingerie is extremely surface, and if you know me at all, I’m not a surface person. I’m not about materialistic gestures. If those gestures are your way of finding romance, that’s great for your relationship, I’m just simply acknowledging those gestures are not for my individual relationship. 

Can everyone just stop judging other people’s relationships? It creates insecurities, and can lead to unnecessary arguments (thank god I haven’t argued with my boyfriend about this)! I think it’s important to acknowledge everyone’s individual preferences and desires, and if the person is happy, there’s no reason for anyone else to meddle. 

Differences.

I don’t know about you, but I started dating my partner and I thought we had everything in common and maybe he was just the boy version of me. I thought we shared all the same values and morals, thought the same way and had the exact same plan. As it turns out, we don’t! 

So we’re different. Our differences exist between us, but they don’t affect our connection. After being together for a year and a quarter, I’ve actually learned so much about G that I wouldn’t change for the world. Being his friend for a long time before we started dating I thought I would have learned it all because that’s a really no pressure way to get to know someone. As it turns out, there was so much more to him I didn’t know. But, like I said, I wouldn’t change him for the world. 

So you meet someone, you start dating someone, and then you find out you two are very different from one another. Don’t let that stop you. Yes, opposites attract, but it’s also okay to look for a partner that does have the same ideals and values as you. G shares a lot of similar values and morals that I have, but I think sometimes we’re on different pages about what comes first and what comes next. And, that’s okay! It’s nothing to be afraid of.

It’s important to challenge yourself to listen to your partner’s opinions and ideals, and respect the shit out of them. Don’t try to change that person, embrace every single part of them. If you find that you’re too different I encourage you to consider moving on, but if you can find it in yourself to love every part of that person no matter how different they may be from yourself, it could be the greatest love you’ve ever had.

Challenge yourself to love unconditionally, and to accept that love in return. 

Awareness. 

Close to the end of the semester and I’m really struggling with being stressed to the max, lonely, and just overall overwhelmed. Final papers due, those last few projects, I got a job recently because I ran out of money, and we’re moving to a new place next week! Obviously there’s a lot on my plate. I have been focussing so much on putting the extra energy I do have into my relationship, and I’ve forgotten to have a life outside of “us”. 

I love my relationship and the person that I’m with, but I’ve seen the light. I’m putting too much into it. I don’t have hobbies, I don’t know what to do with myself on nights where I don’t have homework other than try to get G’s attention (seriously don’t give it to me right now), and I’ve been focussing too much on the fact that he’s not totally obsessed with me like I am with him. I need a breather and a reality check. I’m sure many people go through this and they wonder why their partner isn’t deeply into the relationship as well, and it’s because their partner has other priorities. 

I’m not saying being this way is a bad thing, but in my situation with my boyfriend, this really isn’t working for me. I need to be an individual still, I need to be able to be alone and to love my time without him as much as my time with him. Obviously I’m still a priority to my boyfriend and we have a ton of trust and loyalty to each other, so why am I constantly demanding his attention? For me, it’s because I’ve forgotten to be my own person. 

This is so important to anyone in a relationship at a young age. Don’t forget to be separate from your relationship, have interests outside of each other, and maintain your other friendships and your relationships with your family. 

Sundays. 

I come back to Airdrie after a weekend at home with you, and god I miss you. I miss you as soon as I leave, and I don’t stop until I get to be in your arms again. I regret every moment I’ve wasted with you being mad or upset with you. I regret every second I’ve wasted being fed up with someone else, but not fed up enough to leave. I regret every moment that I’ve wasted, by not having you in my heart. 

It’s funny because I’m preparing for Valentine’s Day and while your Christmas gift was a throwback to our year together, your Valentine’s Day gift will be a throwback to before, when we were friends. It’s about the lore, the beginning, the how it happened.

All I have to say babe, is that I feel like it’s always been you. You’ve found a way to shake me, stir me and completely change my life. Even though for half of our friendship I was in a relationship with someone else, I was always unhappy (without knowing it), because I wasn’t with you. You are my soulmate, my best friend, my lover, my world. 

Anni, anni, anni. 

If G reads this, I am absolutely full of love and 365 days is a really amazing achievement for us.

Today is my one year anniversary with the person the blog is about! We have become so much closer, continued to evolve as individuals, and still have had the time of our lives this entire year. I’ve been lucky enough to be home for my winter break from school, so we’ve been getting to spend a lot of time together! As I’ve mentioned before, our relationship is really healthy and stable and that’s something that I really love about us. We’ve never had any serious arguments and our conversations that could veer off into an argument never seem to! If it isn’t clear, our relationship is somewhat of a modern day fairy tale. 

I won’t lie, I’m expecting arguments and fights, I just don’t know when. I’m expecting rough patches where it seems like it’s harder than other times, I just don’t know when. I guess the thing is, nobody knows when these things will happen, just that they do happen. My guy, he’s really worth fighting for. I understand that realistically, there is no perfect relationship. I also understand that when we’re together, it feels like the perfect relationship. And that’s probably what the right relationship is supposed to feel like. 

There will be frustration, disappointment, and maybe even anger, but there will also be happiness, love, laughter, and so many more positive feelings. I no longer fear our future, I no longer fear arguments. I feel excited, because we’ve been extremely solid for 365 days. I can’t wait for what’s coming up for us, and I am so, so happy and proud to say that I have the best boyfriend. And I’m so happy that it’s you, G. 

Him.

It’s almost been a year since we’ve been together and obviously, my life has been transformed. I no longer suffer from sleepless nights, unless I’m awake talking to you. My bad dreams are few and far between, and my smile is more frequent than ever. While sometimes our moments together feel fleeting, I find myself more grateful than ever to have you. 

There is nothing more clear from my past relationships, except pain. I spent a lot of time with the wrong people, just trying to make it work. I suffered to avoid the confrontation, and I did suffer. I can truly understand the meaning of the word abuse, in one more than way. It hurt to hold onto, and it hurt less to let go. My bitterness has dissolved as you’ve found ways to bring out the best in me, you’ve found ways to make me see a lifetime of happiness in one short year. 

365 days ago, we went on our first date. The moments are still clear, my feelings still the same, and my love is dominant as ever. I find a new way to appreciate you everyday, and I find a new way to love you more everyday as well. I no longer feel lost in your eyes, but I feel like I completely belong there and you are what’s completing me. 

I hope these feelings never fade as we develop our relationship, and continue to learn more about each other. I am no longer afraid to leap with you, and I am patiently waiting for our next big leap together. As long as you are you and I am me, we will always find ways to fall more deeply in love. 

I love you Gav ❤