After being no beginner with the whole “long distance” thing, my boyfriend and I were recently apart for two more weeks when he took a trip overseas to Scotland. What I wasn’t expecting was the time difference to mess up so bad (7 hours… who would have guessed we would both be up at all hours of the night sometimes just to talk to each other even though there was perfectly legitimate overlapping day times). What I also wasn’t expecting, was the strengthening and solidifying of our connection even further.
After a few months of being away at school, it became a routine and it was no longer surprising when there a distance was noticeable between us. Plus with one person having to be so focussed all day on learning, it can be mentally draining to keep up emotionally with a relationship as well when there’s no time to spend with each other except on the phone. So it’s not great being apart, but I didn’t seem to notice how beneficial it can be as well. Not only have we continued to grow as individuals, we keep growing as a couple.
I would have never guessed that growth as individuals is so important to being happy in a relationship. Now I can reflect more easily on my relationship and more easily admit to myself when I’m unhappy with myself or if I’m facing a deeper problem in my relationship. It’s so easy to blame the people surrounding us for problems and unhappy feelings, but sometimes negative emotions and unhappiness is lying within. It can be for any reason, but it isn’t always necessarily the people surrounding. I’ve really realized that G is my supporting force in this world and when I’m thinking of improving myself, I find myself thinking of him because he’s truly become my better half.
All these big changes and shifts in my thinking happened while G was in Scotland and I keep finding myself falling deeper in love with him, our relationship, and myself as a person separate from us. I can only appreciate time apart, and while it may not always be easy it is so worth it.
I’ve been absent on account of exams and moving back home for the summer, but I’m back now and I hope this post relates to some of my readers.
I’ve been struggling with the ideas of “romance” recently, and the expectation that every relationship has to have an element of romance to be successful. My guy has flat out admitted to me that he’s not romantic. As a woman not wishing to be swept off her feet every minute of the day, I’m okay with that. I’m okay with being with someone who won’t buy me flowers on a semi regular basis, who doesn’t know the difference between a candlelit dinner and a dinner at the pub, who doesn’t constantly remind me that I should be sainted. I’m okay with being with someone who feels comfortable with me, spontaneously reminds me that he loves me, and when he wants a kiss he pulls me close to him and makes direct eye contact with me. I’m okay with just those things, because they are romantic to me.
Whoever defines romance in another person’s relationship is seriously in the wrong. When someone asks for another’s opinion I think it’s totally appropriate to offer that opinion, but to judge another’s relationship based on what that person sees from the outside perspective, is wrong. I’ve recently found myself in that position and I found myself suddenly insecure about my guy plus the things he’s not doing, and I’ve forgot about the things he does do that I love! Thinking of the moments where he makes my heart skip a beat has made me realize romance exists between us, but our even deeper connection is what has allowed to achieve a more intimate level of romance. Buying a girl flowers, jewellery or lingerie is extremely surface, and if you know me at all, I’m not a surface person. I’m not about materialistic gestures. If those gestures are your way of finding romance, that’s great for your relationship, I’m just simply acknowledging those gestures are not for my individual relationship.
Can everyone just stop judging other people’s relationships? It creates insecurities, and can lead to unnecessary arguments (thank god I haven’t argued with my boyfriend about this)! I think it’s important to acknowledge everyone’s individual preferences and desires, and if the person is happy, there’s no reason for anyone else to meddle.