Absences. 

After being no beginner with the whole “long distance” thing, my boyfriend and I were recently apart for two more weeks when he took a trip overseas to Scotland. What I wasn’t expecting was the time difference to mess up so bad (7 hours… who would have guessed we would both be up at all hours of the night sometimes just to talk to each other even though there was perfectly legitimate overlapping day times). What I also wasn’t expecting, was the strengthening and solidifying of our connection even further. 

After a few months of being away at school, it became a routine and it was no longer surprising when there a distance was noticeable between us. Plus with one person having to be so focussed all day on learning, it can be mentally draining to keep up emotionally with a relationship as well when there’s no time to spend with each other except on the phone. So it’s not great being apart, but I didn’t seem to notice how beneficial it can be as well. Not only have we continued to grow as individuals, we keep growing as a couple. 

I would have never guessed that growth as individuals is so important to being happy in a relationship. Now I can reflect more easily on my relationship and more easily admit to myself when I’m unhappy with myself or if I’m facing a deeper problem in my relationship. It’s so easy to blame the people surrounding us for problems and unhappy feelings, but sometimes negative emotions and unhappiness is lying within. It can be for any reason, but it isn’t always necessarily the people surrounding. I’ve really realized that G is my supporting force in this world and when I’m thinking of improving myself, I find myself thinking of him because he’s truly become my better half. 

All these big changes and shifts in my thinking happened while G was in Scotland and I keep finding myself falling deeper in love with him, our relationship, and myself as a person separate from us. I can only appreciate time apart, and while it may not always be easy it is so worth it. 

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Tough love. 

Wow it has been a crazy month since my last post (like I always say haha), but I am here for yet another post about my G. Still together, but we’ve had probably the toughest week yet. Initially I got a little bit mad (I can admit I over-reacted but I felt justified in the moment) that he booked a huge trip without me, and I’m not going so I felt even more out of the loop, and then he decided to quit his job at a place we both work at. He decided against it at the last minute and I’m glad, but a seriously stressful day! In the end I just wanted to be a part of those bigger decisions, and I just wanted to feel like a valued member of the team. 

Then we had another personal problem in the same week and even though we weren’t mad at each other, it felt like it was hard to get along sometimes because we were both so on edge! As I’ve just mentioned, we work together (part time at the same retail store in our city), and honestly when we have shifts together usually I’m all over it! It’s fun being able to come up to front end and see him there or be able to ask him for help. It’s also nice to know I have someone to lean on for that day if I ever need back up or need to vent about a rude customer (I hope you’re all nice to retail employees that are nice to you!!!). 

Then I tried to have a real life conversation about the future and it was honestly brutal, like maybe if I forget about it the future will work itself out (I can dream), but in the end I just want what’s best for us, and especially for G.

Obviously there have been some tough moments and I so hope this isn’t a reflection of the weeks to come because truthfully I’ve gotta get my act together and start reviewing school material to stay on my A game for my last year. But anyways, now that everything’s said and done and literally I cannot think of anything else we could struggle through, I MISS HIM! Usually I’m the type of gal that needs her space from a guy after a long week like this, but all I want to do right now is be together. I want to reaffirm everything we’ve gone through and really reassure that I’m here to stay. We’re not together because I work in the morning and I don’t live with him, but honestly I think I can say if we do get to the point of living together, I’m going to be one of those girlfriends that fights and then wants to watch a movie together or something. Am I giving up? No, but I am choosing what’s worth fighting over. 

Also we saw Baby Driver this week amongst this messy time, and it was absolutely fantastic! Huge recommend! 

Ideals.

I’ve been absent on account of exams and moving back home for the summer, but I’m back now and I hope this post relates to some of my readers. 

I’ve been struggling with the ideas of “romance” recently, and the expectation that every relationship has to have an element of romance to be successful. My guy has flat out admitted to me that he’s not romantic. As a woman not wishing to be swept off her feet every minute of the day, I’m okay with that. I’m okay with being with someone who won’t buy me flowers on a semi regular basis, who doesn’t know the difference between a candlelit dinner and a dinner at the pub, who doesn’t constantly remind me that I should be sainted. I’m okay with being with someone who feels comfortable with me, spontaneously reminds me that he loves me, and when he wants a kiss he pulls me close to him and makes direct eye contact with me. I’m okay with just those things, because they are romantic to me. 

Whoever defines romance in another person’s relationship is seriously in the wrong. When someone asks for another’s opinion I think it’s totally appropriate to offer that opinion, but to judge another’s relationship based on what that person sees from the outside perspective, is wrong. I’ve recently found myself in that position and I found myself suddenly insecure about my guy plus the things he’s not doing, and I’ve forgot about the things he does do that I love! Thinking of the moments where he makes my heart skip a beat has made me realize romance exists between us, but our even deeper connection is what has allowed to achieve a more intimate level of romance. Buying a girl flowers, jewellery or lingerie is extremely surface, and if you know me at all, I’m not a surface person. I’m not about materialistic gestures. If those gestures are your way of finding romance, that’s great for your relationship, I’m just simply acknowledging those gestures are not for my individual relationship. 

Can everyone just stop judging other people’s relationships? It creates insecurities, and can lead to unnecessary arguments (thank god I haven’t argued with my boyfriend about this)! I think it’s important to acknowledge everyone’s individual preferences and desires, and if the person is happy, there’s no reason for anyone else to meddle. 

Differences.

I don’t know about you, but I started dating my partner and I thought we had everything in common and maybe he was just the boy version of me. I thought we shared all the same values and morals, thought the same way and had the exact same plan. As it turns out, we don’t! 

So we’re different. Our differences exist between us, but they don’t affect our connection. After being together for a year and a quarter, I’ve actually learned so much about G that I wouldn’t change for the world. Being his friend for a long time before we started dating I thought I would have learned it all because that’s a really no pressure way to get to know someone. As it turns out, there was so much more to him I didn’t know. But, like I said, I wouldn’t change him for the world. 

So you meet someone, you start dating someone, and then you find out you two are very different from one another. Don’t let that stop you. Yes, opposites attract, but it’s also okay to look for a partner that does have the same ideals and values as you. G shares a lot of similar values and morals that I have, but I think sometimes we’re on different pages about what comes first and what comes next. And, that’s okay! It’s nothing to be afraid of.

It’s important to challenge yourself to listen to your partner’s opinions and ideals, and respect the shit out of them. Don’t try to change that person, embrace every single part of them. If you find that you’re too different I encourage you to consider moving on, but if you can find it in yourself to love every part of that person no matter how different they may be from yourself, it could be the greatest love you’ve ever had.

Challenge yourself to love unconditionally, and to accept that love in return. 

Awareness. 

Close to the end of the semester and I’m really struggling with being stressed to the max, lonely, and just overall overwhelmed. Final papers due, those last few projects, I got a job recently because I ran out of money, and we’re moving to a new place next week! Obviously there’s a lot on my plate. I have been focussing so much on putting the extra energy I do have into my relationship, and I’ve forgotten to have a life outside of “us”. 

I love my relationship and the person that I’m with, but I’ve seen the light. I’m putting too much into it. I don’t have hobbies, I don’t know what to do with myself on nights where I don’t have homework other than try to get G’s attention (seriously don’t give it to me right now), and I’ve been focussing too much on the fact that he’s not totally obsessed with me like I am with him. I need a breather and a reality check. I’m sure many people go through this and they wonder why their partner isn’t deeply into the relationship as well, and it’s because their partner has other priorities. 

I’m not saying being this way is a bad thing, but in my situation with my boyfriend, this really isn’t working for me. I need to be an individual still, I need to be able to be alone and to love my time without him as much as my time with him. Obviously I’m still a priority to my boyfriend and we have a ton of trust and loyalty to each other, so why am I constantly demanding his attention? For me, it’s because I’ve forgotten to be my own person. 

This is so important to anyone in a relationship at a young age. Don’t forget to be separate from your relationship, have interests outside of each other, and maintain your other friendships and your relationships with your family. 

Long(ish) distance. 

Let’s just say, this is a lot harder than I thought. Who knew I took comfort in knowing we park in the same parking lot for work and both get gas at the co-op and drove on the same highway everyday. I took comfort in the familiar, and that is all gone. Nothing about my routine now is familiar. On the plus side, I have learned how to ride the C train, and I know how to get to and from without using maps on my phone (wow, impressive). Nine days ago, I had no idea this was coming. 

What I have learned, is to cherish every moment, even if it doesn’t feel special. Every moment spent with you is special, because it’s another moment my heart feels completely full. Our time is precious, and though our love is built to last a lifetime, it’s never enough. There will never be enough time to explain how deeply and truly I love you. There will never be enough time to kiss each other’s lips off (who does that anyways), play infinite rounds of mini golf, or just watch every movie we’ve ever wanted to watch. Regardless, I am grateful that I’ve met someone I want to do those things with for the rest of my life. 

What I’m trying to say, is that I miss you. Every moment we spend together from now on until the end of time I will cherish  through the good and the bad moments. And this distance, has made my heart grow rapidly fonder of you. I never imagined being so far away from my other half. From my G. This is different, but I’m ready to love you through anything. 

Happiness, in particular. 

It’s that time of year, where I’m feeling blue because it’s several months most likely since I’ve done anything productive with myself other than work. Obviously I love school and the thought of going back to school is usually what gets me through August. This year though, things have been a lot different since I’ve decided to take a year off (which I’ve never done before). I’m excited to grow as a person and become more used to a routine without school on my mind, but there are certain things I’m worried about. What am I going to do, is work really going to be all that I’m doing, and most importantly, will I be happy without school? 

I don’t know if this is common, but I have always wondered about happiness and how to get there. The last two years I’ve really realized that happiness is a choice that needs to be made everyday, and if I don’t make that choice I’ll drown in negativity. If I’m being honest, some days it’s still really hard to make that choice, but you make it easier. 

Happiness is something that I find when I look at you. Don’t get me wrong, other things make me happy too, and I’m sure I find joy in other things as well. You are the reason why I make the choice and the reason why I try to better myself. You are the reason I smile and appreciate my life. You are my biggest blessing. I want to be happy to enjoy our time together, to enjoy us. While I may be looking at a difficult month ahead, you are the light at the end of the tunnel! Love you G.